Monday, September 19, 2011

i miss you...

Sunday September 18th marked the one year anniversary of my friend Johni's passing. And it has been one day short of a year since I wrote my first Johni post. I miss you...

[[ johni in outtakes from a photography project in 08. ]]

It is still really hard to think about you sometimes, or look at pictures... I have so many fond memories of us being silly together, and it is all those good times that help me keep my sanity when I come to the realization that I will never see you again. It is hard to think about my wedding and not having you there. You were one of the only people that I would ever talk about that sort of thing with, in fact I remember one of our last conversations when we were talking about paper lanterns and Alice in Wonderland. I did a pretty good job holding it together yesterday, (though I did loose it a little bit), but I have to admit it is really hard to write this right now. I cannot believe it has already been an entire year. It seems too surreal. I still have all of our Skype conversations saved, but have not dared to look back on them quite yet. Last night I read a bit of our book for the first time in almost a year. I still cannot decide if I really want to finish it or not, and I have yet to paint something. I hope you are happy now wherever you are, and free of pain forever, finally.

Yesterday me and Pat watched "Tangled" in the morning because it reminds me of you so much. I think that if you would have seen that movie she would have easily been your favorite Disney character even over Sleeping Beauty. She is even an artist like you, not to mention the fact that you look so similar somehow. Maybe that is just my mind wanting to put things together. I watched some Flight of the Concords in the morning also, it was the best thing I could think of to cheer me up. "Bowie" and "The Talking Stove" since we used to always quote them for some reason. We also made cornbread like you used to and watched the animated "Alice in Wonderland" from the 50s. Of course that one reminds me of you always.

Anyway, I really miss you and wish so much that we could have spent one last day together outside in the sun gossiping and painting like we used to. I know that is selfish of me, but I cannot help but to think it. I would have even let you have some of my grapefruit juice.

[[ college snapshots. johni/pat/me/06. me/johni. ]]

Pat said it best yesterday morning on Facebook:

" Dear Johni Keller,

It's been a year since you've been gone. I miss you when I think of the good times we shared. I'll cherish those memories forever. I'm a better person for having known you. You taught me that some of the most important things in life are often the most simple things. I think of you often. You will always hold a special place in my heart.

I'm going to go make corn bread now and watch some of your favorite movies in your honor.

- Love Patrick "